There was once a boy with a very difficult character.
His father gave him a bag full of nails and told him to drive one nail into the garden fence every time he lost his patience - or has an argument with someone.
The first day the boy drove 37 nails into the garden fence. In the following weeks, the boy learns to control himself and the number of nails driven into the fence gets lower each day.
The boy soon discovered that it is easier to learn to control
himself than to hammer nails into the fence.
At last the days comes when the boys doesn't drive any nails into the garden fence. He then goes to his father to tell him that today he did not need to hammer any nails.
The father then tells the boy to take one nail out of the fence for every day he succeeds in controlling his temper and not losing his patience. Many days pass, and finally the boy could tell his father that he has finally taken out all the nails from the garden fence.
The father talks to his son in front of the fence and tells him, "my son, you have behaved well, but look at how many holes you have left in the fence. It will never be the same.
When you have an argument with someone and abuse them, you leave them with wounds like these ones in the fence".
You can stab a man and take the knife out - but you will always leave a wound. It does not matter how many times you say 'sorry' - the scars will stay.
A wound caused by words
hurts just as bad as a physical wound.
Please realize that when you become stressed and uptight, it doesn't just affect you with a tense muscle, headache, or feeling irritable - it affects everyone you work with, do business with, speak on the phone to, and live with.
Understand that when you get overwhelmed, frustrated, or stressed, that you also be 'infect' the people around you - which strains your relationships, closes communication, creates negative attitudes, and severs trust.
Your stress leaves wounds in other people
You will probably calm down and recover within a few minutes or hours, but the effect you have had on your colleagues, clients, customers or business partners may take longer to 'forgive and forget'.
Becoming resilient to pressure is not just about preserving your own wellbeing, it also stops you from damaging your relationships with your colleagues and clients by controlling your emotions.
'OK, so how do I control my emotions when I'm am under
pressure and feeling all worked up?' I hear you ask'
When you are under pressure, have you noticed what happens to your breathing pattern? It gets shorter, faster and your chest may also feel tighter. If your breathing is shallow or irregular breathing when you feel tense, then you are making yourself feel stressed, lethargic or irritable.
Whenever you are working under pressure, notice if you hold your breath for a few seconds at a time. Not only will this make you feel tense, but it will also tighten the muscles in your chest, making your breathing feel somewhat restricted and laboured.
Holding your breath in tense situations will actually CREATE feelings of stress and panic. In actual fact, it may not be other people at all upsetting you, but your own breathing pattern instead!
If you find yourself holding your breath when dealing with complaints, before meetings or giving presentations, or making/receiving telephone calls, try to release that tension by following these steps:
Action Steps
Take 2 minutes now to do this technique:
Step 1: Take a regular breath in now. Try not to breathe any deeper than you normally would.
Step 2: Now, use a deliberate long and slow exhalation to breathe out like you do when you sigh. Breathe out as if you are emptying your lungs of air. Try dropping your shoulders a little when you breathe out to accentuate the relaxation effect. Your out breath should be at least 3-4 seconds longer than your in breath.
Do this process for 2 minutes (or 10 breaths)
If I am presenting a half or full day seminar, I make a habit of using a long exhalation 5-10 times after each session so that I don't force my body and mind to be in top gear the whole day and wear myself out.
Do this breathing technique right after your busiest and most pressured times at work and you may prevent leaving many unnecessary 'holes in the fence'.
