How do you catch a butterfly?
You can run, jump at it, or chase it with a net. It may get you fit, but the butterfly is likely to hear, see and feel you on the prowl and will quickly escape to higher ground.
However, if you position yourself near the butterfly, and sit still, the butterfly will eventually land on you. By adapting yourself to the butterfly's world, it no longer sees you as a threat and allows itself to land on you.
Becoming resilient to stress and pressure is all about how well you ADAPT YOURSELF to changes and challenges in your business, work and life.
Most people dislike change and fight it.
They find that dealing with unexpected changes, new systems, other people's time frames, or even being stuck in traffic that just won't move can be frustrating, stressful or depressing....and this is where the damaging effects of stress occur.
Studies have found that 'Depression shortens life by unleashing a cascade of harmful effects on the body' [1] (USA Today).
Other research at
www.Heartmath.com has found that
anger injures the heart rhythm and impairs your health.
The key to not becoming uptight, frustrated or stressed when these things happen is your ability to adapt yourself to the situation. Like bark wraps itself around a tree, you need to be able to adapt yourself and 'mould' to the challenge.
OK, that's easy to say, but HOW do you do it?
...let me explain that with a recent event...
It's 2am on Thursday 29th December, 2005.
My wife wakes me to tell me that she has just gone into labour and that we need to get to the hospital RIGHT NOW! Barely four hours later, our daughter (Elizabeth), is born.
We are thrilled and sooo excited to have a little girl!
The 'First Lady' in the family.
The next four days as my wife, Robyn, stays in hospital to feed and care for Elizabeth (Eli) - I am at home looking after our two boys Raphael (4 yrs) and Zackary (2 yrs) - getting them fed, entertained, taking them into hospital to see their Mum and sister each day, as well as running my business, replying to emails, etc.
Life was busy!
I had to adapt my work-life working patterns to keep energy high, enjoy my family and get my work done. Before each day started, I had a written plan on what I wanted to achieve each day - for my business and the with kids.
As each hour of the day unfolded, my agenda had to keep changing with it. If the boys needed my help with a game, or wanted to eat, then I had help them and then replan how I was going to accomplish my tasks.
It was like a puzzle, or a game of chess - I had to keep re-planning my moves according to what was happening. The moment I was able to let go of my agenda and adapt the plans to the new needs, the less stress I experienced. When I tried to force things to go my way and 'according to plan', however, I found myself getting uptight and tense.
In your work/life, there will always be moments where you lose control of your time, agenda or control.
If you fight it, you will become stressed. Instead, spend your time adapting to the challenge.
ACTION STEPS:
1. Adapt your agenda throughout the day
Adjust your day's plans to allow for changes in your day. People will be late, work will sometimes not be delivered on time, cars do break down, priorities do change, new decisions are made. Whatever the change may be, make sure that YOU change your agenda to move with it.
You can be stubborn and complain about the change - but after you are all done, you will still need to address the new change...so why create the extra stress??
2. Adapt your expectations
My grandfather once told me 'without expectation there is no disappointment'.
My father once said to me, 'from the day your children are born you worry about them...and it never stops'.
If you have the expectation that 'one day everything will be fine, settled, I will be in control of my workload, everything will be up to date, etc., etc. - then you are setting yourself up to become stressed and tense.
If you expect life, relationships, work or business to turn out in a certain way - you will become disappointed, upset, frustrated or down when it doesn't. The problem is not 'what has happened', but your expectation of 'what should happen'.
To bounce back fast, you need to adapt your expectations of what can be achieved as the circumstances change. Resist unnecessarily frustrating yourself.
3. Embrace the change
There is a scene in the movie 'Parenthood' (with Steve Martin), where he is struggling with the demands of life, job, kids, mortgage, etc. and then finds out that his wife is pregnant with another child. Steve starts to feel very stressed and worked up, wondering how he is going to cope and stay sane.
His grandmother enters the room and tells a story about her days when she dated different boys. She explained that she liked to go to the fair on her dates and that 'some boys liked the Ferris Wheel - it was a nice ride, but it only went round and round and didn't really go anywhere.
Your grandfather, however, liked the Rollar Coaster. It went up and down, up and down, up and down. Somewhat scary but it was the most exciting ride in the park. I liked the Rollar Coaster ride best'.
Although you want life to be like a safe and consistent Ferris Wheel, it inevitably becomes like the unpredictable, yet adventurous Rollar Coaster. So, stop fighting it!
By now you would have surely realized that life does not follow your plans. It often has an agenda all of its own, in spite of how structured, motivated or organised you are. This is the nature of life, work and business - it will throw changes, challenges and problems at you that you don't expect, want or like - but that's life.
So, be prepared to accept them, look for them and embrace them as a natural part of your life.
Spend less energy resisting change and realize that change is part of birth, growth and death. Without change we don't grow, progress, learn or relate.
Embrace your chaos.
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