Who is pushing your hot buttons?
The real answer is 'no-one, except you'.
Before I go any further, this is my main point today:
'no-one can push your hot buttons - unless you let them!'
I know what you are thinking...
'Michael, you don't know this person I work with - it's them they are just a negative, arrogant, small
minded person - it really is them pushing my hot buttons!'
Contrary to that, I believe that it is us, and our reactions, not other people, situations, circumstances that allow us to become upset, uptight or mad.
You allow yourself to get worked up, upset, disappointed, uptight or raving mad when people do/say things that you don't want. Sure, it is your right to get mad...but it comes at a cost.
When I interviewed
Dr. Craig Hassed for the Resilience CD pack - full review at
www.bouncebackfast.com - , who is one of the
senior lecturers for the department
of Medicine at Monash University, Melbourne, Australia, he commented that
'sustained and consistent intense reactions to events can impair the brain function and even damage the brain'.
In other words, getting yourself all worked up can make you dumb!
What's more, research has found that anger injures the heart, worry makes the stomach more acidic, and
frustration tightens the neck and shoulder muscles.
Customer service and sales industry professionals know the importance of being able to stay cool and
calm when faced with an irate customer. 'Losing your cool' may not only cost you the sale/customer,
but may also injure your heart, damage your brain and raise your blood pressure.
It is imperative that you learn to take control of your emotional responses to pressure - otherwise they can severely impair your productivity, health and quality of life. When you react with anger, frustration, or worse - bottle it up inside - your body responds in the same way. Your body tightens and contracts every time you become emotionally intense.
...all of this can be avoided if you take control of your emotions by becoming more emotionally resilient -
which, like the eye of a tornado, is like being able to stay calm when everything around you is chaotic.
So what is the answer?
Think of every conversation you have as an exchange of gifts. A person's gift is the message they want to get across to you. Often their gift is covered in emotional wrapping which can make it difficult to see what the gift is.
The key is not to react to quickly get past the wrapping paper, so you can deal with gift.
Gift giving is in 3 parts: Accepting ~ Opening ~ Embracing
ACTION STEPS
1. ACCEPT THE GIFT
Let the person talk and say what they have to say. If you cut them off it will only make them more
determined, and somewhat louder (or more infuriated), to deliver their gift.
When dealing with a hot headed complaint or conversation, let the other person deliver what they have to say, let off their steam. In your mind, try to remember that this is just the first step in getting to the present and it won't last long if you don't fight it.
2. OPEN THE WRAPPING
Understand the wrapping, but don't get involved with it.
Are they feeling injustice, forgotten, not listened to, afraid, etc. Take a moment to connect with their
situation and understand why they are reacting like this. People just want to be heard and understood. Let them know that they have been heard and acknowledge their message and emotional intensity.
Gifts are not fires to put out, they are messages in hiding.
Don't involved with the emotion. Talk about the message instead. Acknowledge that they are upset,
for example 'I can see that you are really ticked off about this', but then focus your energy on what they are trying to say.
3. EMBRACE THE GIFT
Focus on the message.
Be clear in your communication. Confirm that you understand what they are saying by feeding it back
to them. For example: 'so I can be 100% clear, you are upset because you have been promised the catalogue and still haven't received it?'
Acknowledge if they are justified in their response. For example 'OK, that's fair enough, after waiting
3 weeks, it makes sense that you would be upset that you haven't received it yet'.
Be real with people. Deal with the issue, not the emotion.
By focusing on this process you don't have to be drained by their emotional state and you are able to deal with the real issue at hand.
